So You Want To Be A Writer

By Charles Bukowski

if it doesn’t come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don’t do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
typewriter
searching for words,
don’t do it.

if you’re doing it for money or
fame,
don’t do it.

if you’re doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don’t do it.

if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don’t do it.

if it’s hard work just thinking about doing it,
don’t do it.

if you’re trying to write like somebody
else,
forget about it.

if you have to wait for it to roar out of
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you’re not ready.

don’t be like so many writers,
don’t be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don’t be dull and boring and
pretentious, don’t be consumed with self-
love.

the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don’t add to that.
don’t do it.

unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don’t do it.

unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don’t do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way.

—

Shilpi sent this to me a few days ago. It got me thinking about my writing process, my book in progress. I haven’t verbalized what I’ve done so far, where I’ve suffered, where I’ve gained. This would be a good opportunity to see my writing progress.

I started in chaos. No plot, no script, no idea. However, what was there was this urge, this drive. To do it and to do nothing but it.

Trying to make sense of chaos!

I have a problem. It is a problem of patience and commitment. A problem more of impatience.  The drive to do something – anything – lasts for precisely two weeks. In the last 2 weeks of Jan, I edited films. In the first 2 weeks of Jan, I did animation. In the last 2 weeks of December, I jogged every morning. In the first 2 weeks of December, I sketched. In the last 2 weeks of November, I made political cartoons. And in the first 2 weeks of November, I wrote 50,000 words. Actually, something closer to 51,400 words.

The problem, as you can see, is as much a virtue as a problem. The drive to do whatever I’m doing consumes for the entirety of the 2 weeks. Won’t eat, won’t sleep, won’t watch How i met your mother. Okay, will watch a few episodes of HWIMYM.

So, in the first 2 weeks I wrote 50,000 words. It required a LOT of effort and concentration. I was inspired and encourage by Nanowrimo - (Inter)National Novel Writing Month – a US based non-governmental organization that encourage people to do one thing – write! A novella in a month. You can track your word count on their website. They send you short mails of encouragement – where fellow writers cry and crib, whine and vent. And encourage. Keep going. Don’t give up till the last word is down. Don’t look at the past. Don’t think of  the future. Look at now. Write till you forget the world. Write till all that you see and feel is in the paper before you. And when you have the last word down, remember the world. Remember to breathe.

And I kept going. I kept writing till I had 50,000 words. Till the last word was finally out of me.

Of course, what I had written made no sense. It was a jumbled up boo of words. A story which had started somewhere. A story which had ended so far away that I barely recognized it.

But printing out the 137 single-spaced A-4 sheets was sheer joy. Just holding my work in my hand – the feeling and weight of it was awesome. Despite knowing that editing would be another nightmare.

The editing. Ah. The editing! No we’re not talking about grammar and punctuation. No spelling. Nanowrimo encourages you not to edit while writing. If you’ve written it, let it go. Go back later. Don’t get stuck on one word. Get the story out of  you first.

The story was out of me. And I, the plotless, would now almost 2 and a half months later, begin editing. Restructuring the entire damn thing. It was such a bloody difficult thing to do. Harder than writing the thing, I would say. Trying to find a thread of order and semblance in a chaotic world, a world before light, was freaking hard. But it was harder because now I was reading my own words.

Because now judgement had come into play. Not only would be killing my irrelevant words (the words which I had previously toiled over), killing characters, killing scenes, killing chapters  - but I would now begin judging everything I had written.

And the judgemental conclusion – what shit have I written. It is corny and immature. Sure, there are some parts which leap out at you – where the words are honest. Where there is truth and reality in the words. But the majority of it – is not real. It’s artificial.

Does that mean I give up. I think not!

I spent another 10 days in isolation restructuring the book. That bit has been done. I’m still not wholly satisfied with the structure. It’s slightly lame. But I will deal with that. I’m not giving up. And the beginning of the book, the words which I have stared at too much – have become artificial. Why? Because I’ve editing the prose too much. It’s too pretty, it’s too perfect. Too unreal. I will deal with that too.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way.

Mr. Bukowski – I’ve fallen into so many of your “dont’s” that I shouldn’t be doing it. But until I die or it dies in me. I’ll keep going :)

—

Now, I was reading a collection of articles on Smashing Magazine about Story Telling and User Experience. One particular article was super interesting in the way that it taught me something about writing and design. Where the two interconnect. The author of one of the articles said that design, particularly web design is just prettiness. Pretty prose. Pretty visuals. Pretty animations. Without a concept. Or on the other hand. It can be just concept. A wonderful concept. But without anything visually appealing about it.

It was like a story without a substance and only gorgeous prose. Or a story with an idea – but communicated terribly. Now a story, like any good design, needs both.

And the author of the article, a screenwriter, said that THE moment while writing a book or a screenplay for a writer is when he can answer the question – what’s the main idea behind the book or screenplay? Once the writer understands this, he understands why he is writing. Everything else will fall into place and make sense.

So far, whenever someone has asked me the same question – I’ve been very hesitant. Haven’t really conclusively said what it’s about. There were many issues, I thought. How can I clearly state one is more important than the other? I got thinking and came out with a list of what I actually wanted to portray in the book. This was what I came up with:

- how history occupies both the past and the present.
- how history exists simultaneously in two or more places

- how having everything can be as debilitating as having nothing
- how having every opportunity can be equally or more debilitating than having nothing

- how there is nothing to fight for any more

- how art has very little space in a commercial society
- how being an artist is impossible unless you have the financial backing.
- class matters

Earlier I thought that the love story in my book was intrinsic to the story. But now I’ve come to the conclusion it’s secondary. There is love, there is magical realism, there is death. But all these are limited in their scope.

What I want to write about is the struggle and the lack of struggle. What I want to write about is history – which in it’s circles brings us back to where we were.

Then I came up with these ‘prophetic’ lines:

The book is written, the story is yet to be told.

So much to be done! :)